Spider-Man: Irresponsible/Flight of the Beetle
Flight of the Beetle is the fourth issue of the comic series Spider-Man: Irresponsible. Transcript Inside of Gwen's house, George Stacy is seen writing something down in a notebook while speaking to Peter, Gwen, and Flash. *'George: '''So, you went over to Janice's home to build a robotic arm, Janice, who everyone knows as a shy and "weirdo" girl, suddenly began acting, quote, "crazy as hell", unquote. She revealed she thought the masked hero Spider-Man was in love with her, had taken pictures of him without his knowledge or consent, showed off possibly stolen technology, and then attempted to do, quote, "something reserved for very special people", unquote, to Peter before taking off on a "freaking jetpack." Is that correct? *'Peter: I knew we shouldn't have let Flash give the testimony... but yeah that is correct. *'''George: Alright, I'll do everything I can to try and find Janice and get her the help she needs. Thank you for telling me this. And Gwen, you're grounded for a week for not telling me you'd be going to a stranger's house with two boys. *'Gwen:' I was forced to! *'George: '''You're not grounded for doing it, you're grounded for doing it and not telling me about it. Peter begins walking off. *'Flash: Where're you going? *'''Peter: I'm off to search for Janice. As you so elegantly explained, she took a liking to me, so if anyone can draw her out it's me. *'Flash:' Of course. Peter runs out. *'Flash:' Hey, what was up with that thing about blondes and redheads you said to Peter on the walk to Janice's? *'Gwen: '''He only dates blondes and gingers. *'Flash:' Oh. Do you have something like that? *'Gwen:' I only date people who're taller than me. And, just like last year, the answer's no, Flash. *'Flash:' Fine. Peter is seen running through the streets. *'Peter (narration): Not really sure how being bitten by a spider gave me super speed, but it helps to get around. He pulls out his phone and activates an app. *Peter (narration): Might as well activate the tracker in case this goes south. Now, do I face her as Peter or as Spider-Man...? She does want to lure out Spider-Man, but she trusts me as Peter. Something suddenly swoops down and picks up Peter, placing him on top of a building as Janice hovers in front of him. *'Peter (narration): '''Peter it is, I guess... *'Beetle: Hiya buuuddy! *'Peter:' Hi... *'Beetle: '''Oh, what's wrong? not happy to see me? Janice lands in front of Peter and walks up to him, acting sweet and innocent with her body language. She gets abnormally close to Peter, inches away from his face. *'Beetle:' I'm happy to see you. *'Peter:' And you are creepy. *'Beetle:' Ouch. Everything else about you is perfect but your words hurt like knives. If only I could get a version of you without vocal cords... *'Peter: ...That's... creepy. *'''Beetle: You're not like my Spider-Man. There's nothing about him that doesn't scream perfection! oh, just thinking about him now... *'Peter: '''Why does everything you say sound like it's from a movie I'm not legally allowed to buy yet? *'Beetle:' Quiet! Peter freezes up and Janice stares at him. She looks him head to toe and then looks behind him at his back before slowly resting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her right arm around him, her left one behind her back. Peter tries to slap her off of him but she instantly grabs him again, this time putting her hand on his face. *'Peter (narration):' Okay, first slip up made her subtly threaten me and the second made her yell... I'm probably on thin ice. Better tread carefully... really carefully. *'Beetle: You know, my heart may belong to Spider-Man but you're the only person other than him to make me feel this way... *'''Peter: Hey, I know Spider-Man. If you let me go, I can bring him to you. But if you keep me hostage. He will never come. *'Beetle: '''He'll come. He loves me after all... *'Peter (narration): Well, so much for treading carefully... Peter quickly spins around and kicks Janice in the stomach before running off while she catches her breath. It then suddenly cuts to Gwen, who is talking on the phone with Harry while swinging her hat around on her finger. *'Gwen: '''Crazy story, right? *'Harry: Yeah, nuts. What's going on now? *'Gwen: '''Peter and my dad are out looking for her. *'Harry: Good to know. Hey, off topic question, but did you ever find your hat? *'Gwen: '''Eh? *'Harry: 'Didn't you say you lost your hat? *'Gwen: 'Oh yeah, so I did. *'Harry: So did you find it? *'Gwen:' ...I guess... *'Harry: '''What does that mean? *'Gwen:' ...I didn't actually lose it. I just... kinda... I wanted to show off my hair... *'Harry:' Oh. Why'd you lie about that? *'Gwen: I... have no idea... Peter and probably also you think I'm a stone-faced chick whose only emotion is really angry. Guess I didn't want to break down that image in you guys' heads... *'Harry: '''Gwen... I have no idea what we're talking about. *'Gwen: ...So what's your dad been up to? *'Harry:' I don't know, I haven't seen him in a while. It cuts back to Peter, who is running through the streets, only just managing to stay ahead of Janice, who always shows up just a few seconds after Peter has escaped. Peter continues running until he reaches his house, bursting open the door and seeing Aunt May, who is cooking in the kitchen. *'Aunt May:' Oh, Peter! I barely get to see you anymore, it's-- *'Peter: '''This is a really bad time, Aunt May! Peter runs upstairs. *'Aunt May: Oh, okay... Outside, Janice begins walking towards Peter's house. She hears something and turns around, spotting Peter, now in his suit, standing on top of a lamppost, showing he dropped a rock. *'Peter: '''Yeah, I thought that'd get your attention. Janice stares at him for a few seconds before falling on to her knees and panting heavily. *'Peter (narration): Why is everything she does weird or creepy...? Probably because she's both. *'Beetle:' Gehehe... I'd look up at you, but I'm not worthy to gaze upon perfection! because you are! Peter jumps down from the post. *'Peter: '''What exactly... what made you like this...? *'Beetle:' I've been in love with you since the moment I saw you! and I know you love me back! and for you, I will do anything, even if it destroys me emotionally or physically! *'Peter: ...Dude... what is wrong with you? *'Beetle: '''Nothing! I just want the love of my life to be with me forever! *'Peter: 'I don't love you! *'Beetle: Oh... then... I... then I'll make you!! She rushes at Peter. * Peter: No! She takes Peter and uses her jetpack to save herself from falling, hovering upside down and watching Peter slowly get up while trying to shake off the injury. *'Beetle:' I'm sorry about hurting you but you know what they say. She flips around, hovering upright once again. *'Beetle:' To make an omelette you've gotta break a few eggs! *'Peter:' Uh, I don't want eggs. *'Beetle:' What...? *'Peter:' You ever heard of an eggless omelette? it's delicious. Beetle remains quiet and stares at him. * Beetle: Want to be a boneless pulp? * Peter: 'No, not in particular, but thank you for the offer! Peter webs Beetle's face and kicks her to the ground, with her instantly getting up and quickly flying towards Peter, who blocks her oncoming attacks. *'Peter: So where'd you get the jetpack anyway? *'Beetle:' I bought it from a slightly odd man in an alleyway. I guess he knew we were destined to be together and wanted to make sure I had a way of finding you! *'Peter:' Who?!? *'Beetle:' He didn't give me his name. Huh... that never struck me as odd until just now... oh well! Beetle headbutts Peter before unleashing a storm of attacks on him, ending with her headbutting him once again, Peter taking a few steps back. * Peter: God... is that mask made of metal...? Beetle suddenly appears behind Peter. * Beetle: Yes, as a matter of fact! Peter turns and is instantly headbutted by her, knocking him out. He wakes lying on the ground of what appears to be a warehouse that has been styled after an old 1960's home, hearing gentle humming in the distance. He looks up and sees that his arms have been cuffed around a pipe. *'Peter (narration):' Crap... did she style this place herself? how long did this take her? she gets creepier by the minute... Beetle pokes her head around a corner. *'Beetle: '''Oh, you're awake! I was wondering when you'd finally get up! I was starting to wonder whether or not that headbutt was a little too hard! *'Peter:' Uh... hi... so, what's up with the 60s look? *'Beetle:' My dad grew up in the 60s! I loved the pictures he showed me of his home town when he was younger! *'Peter:' ...I'm sorry, your dad is how old again? *'Beetle:' Don't ask silly questions. Peter sits up, his hands still cuffed. *'Peter:' This is a really uncomfortable position... *'Beetle:' Oh hush, everything you do makes you look great! She pulls out a tray of cookies and walks over to Peter, lifting his mask up to his nose and attempting to feed him them. *'Beetle:' Say "ahh!" I baked them myself! *'Peter: Oven doesn't look like it's plugged in. *'''Beetle: Fine, I bought them. Who cares anyway? you need your strength and either way I help you get it! *'Peter: '''I'm not hungry. *'Beetle:' Then maybe you can eat something else...? *'Peter: You know what, maybe I am hungry after all. Beetle claps her hands excitedly before beginning to feed Peter to the cookies. *'''Beetle: Tell me, do you know who Plato is? *'Peter:' A philosopher. *'Beetle:' Uhuh! my man's so smart! well, he once wrote a story that said back when humans were first created we all had four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces but that the gods split us in two and for the rest of our life we'll be searching for our other half. He called it a "soulmate." And I think I found mine! *'Peter:' I don't like you! Beetle pauses for a few seconds. *'Beetle:' ...Geh... heh, you're so funny! now, let's get down to business! Beetle pushes Peter to the ground and takes off her mask, revealing her deranged face again. She attempts to take Peter's mask off but he bites her finger. *'Beetle: '''Ouch. Oh, you wanna keep the mask on, do ya? geheh, you perv! that bite may have hurt, but at least now I get a piece of you inside of me forever! She puts the finger Peter bit in her mouth, with Peter cringes in revulsion. She then unzips her suit and grabs Peter's hands, lying on top of him. Peter headbutts her hard enough to knock her off and to make her nose bleed. *'Beetle: Geheh, didn't know you were into that kinda stuff! well, it's fine. She lies on him again. *'Beetle: '''I am too... Peter his arms up and pulls them down fast enough to break the cuff chains before kicking Beetle off of him and getting up. *'Peter: My god, I could punch you so hard it bruises your entire stomach, spit in your face, and you'd still not get that I'm not into you! *'Beetle:' Cause you're perfect... *'Peter:' What the hell does that even mean!? I'm not perfect! I constantly leave my friends and my aunt and put my life as Spider-Man above everything else! does that sound like something a perfect person would do!? *'Beetle: '''If it's you, then yes... there's nothing you can do that would make me love you less... *'Peter:' Why are you obsessed with me?! *'Beetle:' I'm not sure what it is but every time I look at you I feel something inside me! it feels like I'm going to pop any minute and I want... no, I need you to be mine! by any means necessary!! Beetle charges for Peter and the two fight for a bit, ending with her kicking him to the ground. A loud popping noise is heard as she is hit by a stun gun and is then kicked by Peter hard enough to knock her out. Peter then looks around and spots George Stacy. *'Peter: Geo-- Captain Stacy? *'''George: You're lucky I saved your skin, Spider-Man. *'Peter:' How'd you make it here? *'George:' A kid named Peter Parker had a tracking chip in his phone. He was gone for a while so I began following it and it led me to you. *'Peter:' Right, Peter Parker, he... must've been the kid who gave me his phone earlier. He probably knew it had a chip in it and wanted to make sure I was safe. He seemed kinda nice. *'George: '...Mhmm... well, as I said, it's a good thing I showed up when I did. You don't have to worry about Janice, she's going away for a long time. *'Peter:' You sure you can't try and get her sent to Ravencroft? she probably needs help. *'George:' Out of my hands where she ends up once she's arrested. Sorry, Spidey. *'Peter:' Eh, it's okay. I just hope she comes out at least a little better than she is now... It cuts to some time later where the mysterious man is seen speaking to another man. *'Man:' Police reports say that Spider-Man had cuffs around his hands that had been broken, the most common theory is that he broke them around a pipe. *'Mysterious Man: '''So he is strong enough to break handcuffs. I see... *'Man:' Tell me, why do you need to know all of this about him again? *'Mysterious Man:' If I'm going to face him... It's revealed the man's large computer screen is covered in pictures and videos of Spider-Man. *'Mysterious Man:''' I need to know everything there is to know about him...